Well, as of tomorrow, I’ve officially survived month 1 of this 11-12 month separation. I feel like I just wrote my week 1 check-in and now here I am with my 1 month check-in. My 1 week check-in was filled with so many different emotions with anger and sadness being at the top of that list. It was a really rough first week, and I honestly had no idea how I was possibly going to get through the following week let alone the rest of the month. I felt so defeated and it felt almost impossible to handle this situation.
Since then, so much has changed so I’d love to share some updates with you all in a ‘currently‘ kind of post. Because it was the first month, I have a ton of updates for you all so bare with me if this post gets a bit long.
Better. So much better than I did in that first week. I don’t feel as angry anymore which is nice. I felt so angry in that first week. Angry at the military for putting us in this situation, angry at Zack for leaving (although I know it’s not his fault), angry at friends and family for not being more understanding and helpful. I honestly just didn’t like anyone in that first week. I’m so glad to have moved past that.
I’m still feeling a bit frustrated sometimes. I kind of wish I had a friend or family member who was a little more available sometimes. I just feel like I do so much by myself and it’s depressing and lonely. I talk to a lot of people throughout the day, but I’d love to have actual plans with people. It would be nice to get an invitation to get out of the house and spend time with someone rather than spending my day alone in my bedroom. Especially my family. It would be really nice to have someone who actually cared enough to check in with me here and there make sure I’m okay. I feel like I lack the support that I need right now.
On the bright side, I’m now feeling a little more settled. I feel like I’m finally creating my own routine which is helping me get through the day. The past two weeks have gone by super quickly because I’ve been trying to fill my schedule with as many activities as possible. I’m still feeling a bit lonely some days though. Especially at night. It’s so strange to not have him here and I really don’t have too many people here to spend time with either so I get very bored and lonely when I don’t have something to keep me busy and distracted.
I’m also feeling so incredibly thankful for Zack, our friends, friends and all of you amazing people. I get emails from you all on a daily basis along with blog comments and social media mentions and it makes me feel so good to see ho much support I have in this community. Zack’s friends have been really warm and welcoming and helpful this past month and I don’t know what I’d do without them. And of course, Zack has been incredible as well. He does his best every single day to help me out when needed and with making me feel better.
Although I’m feeling a bit better, I’m also completely exhausted. The time difference is really taking its toll on me. Since I don’t technically work right now, I don’t have to wake up and go to work in the morning. My schedule is pretty flexible right now. So I tend to stay up until sometime between 3 and 5 o’clock in the morning because those are his daytime hours. But then I’m left feeling tired a lot because my sleep schedule is so strange and off. Plus I just started school again and I’ve been filling my schedule with miscellaneous activities so I get tired a lot sooner. But the time he wakes up, I’m exhausted and ready for bed. So it’s been hard to find a balance. Half of me wants sleep while the other half of me wants to talk to my husband.
I’ve moved out of Zack’s mom’s apartment. It was a bit too crowded and wasn’t working out the way Zack and I had hoped it would. So I felt it would be best to move out. Thanks to Zack’s amazing friends, I’m now living with a friend of his. He’s letting me rent out his basement apartment until I either move back to North Carolina to get my own place in Maine. The first week of living here was a bit rough. It needed a lot of cleaning thanks to his last roommate. Luckily I had friends who came over after work to help me get it all cleaned up so I could move in a couple days later.
A few days after we moved in, Jack got fleas. Yup. As if I wasn’t already stressed and dealing with enough, he got fleas from the cat who lived in the apartment before us. I immediately went out and got flea spray for all the rugs and furniture and some flea and tick medication. I even replaced our bedding because the sheets I had before were flannel and his hair stuck to them like crazy. He was shedding uncontrollably with how much he was scratching. It was horrible. Now I spray down the entire room every day when I leave so that it’s dry when I return home and let him out of his kennel. I saw results within days so I’m so glad it didn’t last long.
It’s now been a few weeks and our little apartment is officially feeling like home. I still have to steam clean the carpets, but I got the flea problem under control and I’ve finally cleaned out the bathroom so that I can actually shower and get ready in there in the mornings. I even bought a nice shower curtain and miscellaneous organizational items to make it all work better. I love having my own space for me and Jack where I can come and go as I please and do my own thing. It’s been so much less stressful.
Zack and I are in the process of making healthier choices in our life so I’m trying to eliminate junk food and replace it with healthier options. I’m even choosing to add skim milk and less sugar to my morning coffee order. Surprisingly, I don’t notice much of a difference. I’m not on a diet, but I’m trying to be a little more conscious of what I’m putting into my body.
Lots of water! I stopped drinking soda. As of today, It’s been about 11 days since I last had soda! Instead, I’m replacing it with water to keep me more hydrated throughout the day. So far, I’ve been doing pretty good with it. I continuously fill up my water bottle throughout the day so it hasn’t been too challenging.
Lots of comfy clothes! I’m not sure what is is, but lately, I could easily live in leggings and an over-sized t-shirt. It’s the best. My hair has been up in a messy bun a lot too. I just don’t feel the need to get dressed up lately. I really don’t need to impress the woman at the check out counter in Wal-Mart or the random strangers I see while pumping gas. If I’m going out to dinner or downtown Portland or something, then of course, I’ll get dressed. But most days, it’s just not necessary. I love being comfy!
I had so many amazing accomplishments this month!
+ I finally got my butt back to the gym! I now go about five times a week and I’m feeling so amazing because of it. I already feel more natural energy as well. It’s great! I’m already hooked on it and look forward to my gym days.
+ Senior year of college started this past Monday!! I’m so excited to be closer to my bachelor’s degree! Graduation in May can’t come soon enough.
+ I made the president’s list for the summer 2015 semester! This means I have a 3.7 GPA or higher (it’s still currently at a 4.0!).
+ As of last week, I’m officially a freelance writer for Military.com (through MSB New Media). I’m super thrilled about this! I was invited to be a member of their writing team and I eagerly accepted! I’ll make sure to share my content with you all (duh)!
To see my husband (duh). I also want to finish school, move back to North Carolina, and buy our forever home. I’m so excited for all of that to happen. I just want my life to be put back together.
A mix of everything. I just made a great work out playlist on Spotify that I’m loving. It’s full of high energy songs that get me pumped up and moving. I’ll have to share this with you all at some point!
On building this amazing blog! I have so many plans for it in the next few months. I can’t wait to see where it goes. I’ve also started babysitting again as well. I’ve been with this family since February 2011 so it’s crazy to see them growing up. It makes me feel old sometimes.
The transition into fall. I’ve been dying to pull out my boots and comfy sweaters so I’m super excited that the temperatures are dropping enough for me to wear them! I can’t wait for the leaves to start changing now.
+ October – My calendar for the month of October is already packed. I’m getting a new tattoo, going to the Fryeburg Fair, Fright Night at Six Flags, apple picking, Kendal’s birthday weekend, my anniversary, haunted houses, SNHU homecoming, and so much more. I’m hoping it’s a good month and I really hope it goes by fast.
+ Christmastime! I have a few plans for the month of December and my fingers are crossed that everything works out the way I want it to. I should know more in November, but I’ll be sure to keep you all posted!
+ Samantha’s blog mentorship! I love Samantha (check out her blog here) and I’m so excited to have this opportunity to work with her one on one to get some help and insight on how to grow and monetize my blog more. I feel like I’ve hit a wall with my growth so I’m excited to be getting some help with it.
+ My new hair! I finally decided to try out the ombre look and I’m loving it! I’m definitely going to keep up on it for when Zack returns. He likes it too. Now I just need my hair to grow out out again!
Saying goodbye to…
Negativity! I always feel so much negativity whenever I come back to Maine. I feel like the person I am in Maine is completely different from the person I am in North Carolina. In North Carolina, I have a lot of friends, I’m outgoing and happy, I have my sh*t together, and my own routine. I feel so much more like myself and it’s such an amazing feeling.
And then when I come to Maine, I feel like I slowly sink back into my “usual” ways from my high school and college years. And those just weren’t good years. I wasn’t a good person and I’m not proud of a good majority of my choices from those years either. I feel a lot of negativity in Maine. I’m depressed here. I come here and I feel extra moody and my anxiety skyrockets. I don’t feel good enough anymore and I feel like a failure sometimes and it’s just not a fun feeling at all.
I’ve worked my a$$ off to improve my life and to get to where I am today and I’m not about to let being in Maine bring me back down. So I’m going to do my best to surround myself with more positivity while I’m here.