*Last Updated on August 19, 2018
Marriage is hard, am I right?! Married life is already challenging, but when you add in certain variables, it can really make your marriage even harder to manage. But it doesn’t have to be as hard as some of us are making it. Thanks to past relationships and a lot of trial and error in our marriage over the years, we’ve learned a lot about what makes a healthy or toxic relationship. These days our marriage is stronger and better than ever. So today I’m sharing five toxic relationship habits we’ve eliminated from our marriage to make it stronger.
Surrounding Yourself With Negative People
This one is HUGE. Negative people can be exhausting and really put a strain on your marriage. We’ve had to make a few cuts from our own lives over the last year years and honestly, it was the best thing for our marriage. The last thing we wanted was to be surrounded by people who didn’t love and support us in our marriage and everything we did. It’s so important to surround yourself with good, positive, and supportive people and that’s what Zack and I do our best to do. I couldn’t be more thankful for the amazing people we have in our life.
Taking On Other People’s Issues
This kind goes along with letting go of negative people. Say this with me: “it’s not my job to take on other people’s problems”. And I know that’s easier said than done, but it’s true. These problems could be something small like a friend freaking out over wedding plans or something larger like your friend’s marital problems. While it’s important to be there for your friend, it’s not your job to fix their problems and take them on as your own. Know those boundaries and stick to them. And if you have a friend who’s just plain negative and constantly pushing all their problems on you then it’s time to make some cuts on your friend roster. No matter how hard you want to try to help, do your best to only focus on your own issues and if you absolutely feel the need to get involved, then find a way to keep it out of your relationship.
Allowing Social Media To Control Your Relationship
I’m not saying you can’t have social media profiles or anything like that, but social media can play way too much of a role in relationships these days.
First off, don’t use social media to bash your spouse or to tell the world about issues going on in your marriage or anything along those lines. Unfortunately, I see this a lot in my Facebook newsfeed and it’s incredibly sad to me. It’s in no way appropriate and is very immature. I could never talk badly about Zack or express my personal issues on social media like that. To me, any “issues” we may have are between the two of us. Zack’s my best friend so I always talk highly of him to everyone both in person and online.
Second, social media does not determine your relationship status. Your spouse not posting photos of you or not updating his status on a daily basis to tell the world how much he loves you doesn’t make you any less married or in a relationship. In fact, Zack’s profile never said we were in a relationship let alone married until 3.5 to 4 years into our marriage! It didn’t make us any less married. So stop allowing Facebook to rule your relationship.
Putting Yourself In “Tempting” Situations
Zack and I have friends that are both male and female and for the most part, they’re mutual friends. He doesn’t have female friends that I don’t know about and I don’t have male friends that he doesn’t know about. Even though neither one of us are worried whatsoever about cheating happening, I don’t feel that it’s appropriate for either one of us to be spending alone time with the opposite sex. To me, it’s just so much easier to not even put yourself in a questionable situation.
Setting Too High Of Expectations
I’m not saying to not have expectations in your marriage, but they need to be realistic ones. Don’t paint yourself an unrealistic picture of what you want your significant other to be. It sets them up for failure because they’ll most likely never live up to this “dream man” (or woman) you’re envisioning. Base your expectations off of who your spouse actually is as a person. For example, Zack has a horrible memory sometimes. So I don’t expect him to always remember the small things. He’s not going to be surprising me with my favorite ice cream or a bouquet of my favorite flowers that I’ve maybe mentioned to him once or twice in our marriage. And that’s okay! He’s also not the man to have big romantic gestures. And that’s also okay. Love your significant other for who they actually are.